What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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