its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
