Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
