You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
