Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
