Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
