Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
