All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
