oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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