Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize