If that was your dad, he is hot
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
