Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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