He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
