We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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