It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
