too bad you live with your parents still
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
