i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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