Screwed.edu
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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