i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
