We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
