my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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