Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize