my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
