I've blown a few things in my day
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Randomize
