I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
