Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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