Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
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