feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I'm always down for nudity.
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