I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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