Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
