i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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