when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
