Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
