did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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