Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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