'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i dont even know how to be here
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Randomize
