brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
