I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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