So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
