recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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