Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
