Pregnant stripper...not hot.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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