I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
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