Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
