i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
