we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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