i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
