I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
