i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
