apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
