I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
