I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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