I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
