i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
