is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
