I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
