God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
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It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
where are you?
Hypothermia
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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