I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
