This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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