My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
