last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
