dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
