I need help removing her.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
