i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
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