i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
