I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I FOUND THE LEGS
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
