Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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