I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize